And I'm certainly not one to make false allegations and accuse certain parties of being economical with the truth. Especially not the nation's weathermen. For how could such a group of mild-mannered, suited, smiling middle-aged men be involved in any kind of conspiracy? Well, not just any old conspiracy, but a conspiracy of silence.
What I am about to reveal is certainly not true. But it might be. Recall the summer of 1995 in the UK. It was very long and very hot. Now, our weathermen were doing their usual thing that summer. They came on the TV, they pointed their sticks, they described moving bands of high pressure and so on. And, as usual, they were able to give a pretty good forecast for what weather we could expect in the following few days. Beyond that, beyond a few days forecasting, there was uncertainty. And of course there was uncertainty. Given that the Earth's weather system is vast and consists of an enormous amount of variables then we should expect that forecasts will be short-ranging. Or should we?
Meteorologists employ some of the biggest computers in the world to make predictions about the weather. These computers are fed data on wind speeds, temperatures, humidity and so on, and then this data is put into a computer simulation which will run a model weather system in order to show what that data indicates. The output from the computer will have information about what weather to expect. So far, so clear. But what if these computers of theirs are actually more powerful than we are told? What if their computations come up with highly accurate weather forecasts for weeks or even months in advance? And what if this information was guarded from the public. What if we mere punters in our armchairs were only get a fraction of what the weathermen really knew?
Well, all this speculation doesn't bear thinking about really for the implications are quite frightening. Consider, for instance, the emergence in the summer of 1995 - and early that summer too - of at least four new soft fruit drinks. Within a few weeks of one another, four new soft drinks hit the UK market and all were advertised heavily in the media. And they were expensive too, these new drinks (I only bought one, and found it disappointing).
Now, we should remember that all this was at the start of that summer period. No-one knew it was going to be so hot for so long. Or did they? Did, in fact, our nation's weathermen have, as early as Springtime, secret information derived from their vast computers which indicated with absolute certainty that the summer was going to be a scorcher?
If they did and still do possess such information then it could be of great value to certain businesses. I wonder how much people would pay to have highly accurate forecasts about the weather. For if they did obtain such information, then, to coincide with that expected weather, they could ply their wares if their wares were somehow related to atmospheric conditions. Like, for example, the soft drinks industry.
The notion that weathermen have absolutely exact forecasts of the weather for months in advance would also be of interest to insurance companies, shoe-manufacturers, the umbrella industry, the suntan lotion industry, clothing manufacturers, travel agencies, and so on. Just imagine what it would be to know with absolute certainty what the weather is going to be like in, say, two months time. Why, millions could be made if one were in the right business. And perhaps millions have been made. Who knows?
It might even be the case that the breakthrough in computer technology which heralded this alleged long-term weather forecasting happened in 1987. Sometime, let us say, before that hurricane swept and devastated the UK. So when the weathermen realised how accurately they could forecast the weather, instead of alerting the public, they kept this knowledge under wraps. Deliberately.....
Yes....deliberately under wraps apart, that is, from alerting those with a vested interest in such matters and who would pay handsomely for such information. Thus, the cock-up in which the hurricane was not forecast was no more than a ploy to cover the fact that they did know about the hurricane and that they were using this information for financial gain. In fact, such a wicked scenario could be investigated. Did, for instance, any insurance companies or roofers or glaziers make some tactical move immediately prior to the hurricane? Certainly I would not wish to lead such an investigation. We all know what happened to JFK when he looked too closely into the circumstances surrounding the death of Marilyn Monroe.
So then, next time you watch the weather dear reader, know that they might be fibbing. Know that if they wanted to they could tell you exactly where and when it will rain in two months time, perhaps even down to the actual minute. And when you see a big poster for some hot drink in the Winter, or for some cold fruity drink in the Summer, then be assured that the advert was made under good faith and at a great price - a faith inspired by weathermen who gladly receive vast amounts of money for their secret information. But I'm not one to gossip...